I don't know if I should post this or not....
I really think I am absolutely positively scarred from the whole mix up with with sex of our baby.
It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't gone over two weeks thinking we were going to have a boy. And I keep going over in my head the tech saying, "I saw pictures and knew it was a girl, but she said y'all had already left."
How rude is that not to call your patient to say, "I think I might have made a mistake." I know they are not so busy that they couldn't have gotten me back in to do a double check....even if it was the next day {or next Monday in my case}. At least call to say not to go buy any baby boy stuff yet. She was very confident with her boy decision, so I trusted her because I figured who am I to question a "professional"?
I'm sure it's just pregnancy hormones and emotions, but I am so upset. I think I just feel violated. Sure I might be a little dramatic, but I really think I'm traumatized! I still don't trust that this baby is a girl. I'm not excited to go buy things yet because I'm afraid of the same thing happening all over again.
I JUST WANT TO CRY A MILLION BAZILLION TEARS!
I can't wait to meet our baby, but I've lost a bit of the excitement.
I think part of the crying is that I feel guilty for being a little sad. I thought I was going to have a "perfect" family.
Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that I have a healthy baby....I just wish I had been excited about having another girl two weeks ago instead of getting used to the idea of a boy {which I had convinced myself I would never have AND probably never will *now* - I'll get to that later}.
I don't want to be the momma that tries over and over just to have a certain sex. I want to be happy with what I have - I am happy with what I have, just not excited. We didn't start this time thinking we're trying for a boy....we wanted Macie to have a sibling. Yesterday when Chris got home, he said that he was done having babies because he doesn't want to end up with a third girl. That made me even more sad.
I don't even want to say "oh he'll change his mind," because I don't think he will. I am heartbroken.
Okay, this is long...beware!
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be upset. If the tech knew she *might* have made a mistake, they should have called you. Have you voiced this concern to your doctor or someone who oversees this tech? Many techs can guess the sex as early as 13 weeks, but since the baby's "bits" are still forming and look a lot alike (apparently you can get a better guess by looking at the "angle of the dangle" - I know, so technical), most won't give you a definite answer until closer to 20 weeks. I'm disappointed for you that they didn't give you a probability or something. If they weren't sure, they shouldn't have given you the impression they were.
As far as the "incomplete" family...just think. What would your life be like without your sister? Do you think your Mom & Dad had an incomplete family? I'm of the mindset that having the Mom, Dad, boy & girl family isn't what makes a family "perfect." It's the values and the trust and the love that you instill in those little souls. Your & Chris's hearts are going to just explode with nothing but love when you see that sweet little face. Sure, it's going to take some time to heal right now, because you are essentially grieving what you "lost," in a sense. But look at what you're gaining. There's nothing like a sisterly bond. I think the only thing better might be watching it grow between your *daughters.*
I have an acquaintance who just found out her fourth baby is going to be her fourth girl, and she is really excited to have 4 girls, much to the surprise of many people... http://parentingv3.blogspot.com/2011/08/your-perfect-family.html. I'm sure Chris will come around. If you want three children, you will love and cherish all three, regardless of their sex. I think the excuse "*end up* with a third girl" is coming from the hurt he's feeling - that you're both feeling right now. Surely he does not feel that way. A boy, a girl, a special needs child, any child....you will love your babies, regardless, with your whole heart.
I was there, I was there, I was there!!! And mourning the loss of what you had [or thought you had] is normal-- and is the perfect way to explain it.
ReplyDeleteI know my story was different-- and I fear I will be one of the crazy people who will chase a sex. An evil girl wrote a whole blog about people being horrible about crying over the sex of their baby after I posted this:: http://livingtheerwinlife.blogspot.com/2010/11/so-much-to-say.html
which made me feel even worse...
Then a friend told me I just needed to be thankful for a healthy baby (by the way, she got boy then girl)
so I beat myself up more...
but after talking to multiple friends and even my OB-- it is so normal.
So- so- so- normal.
You will get excited, I promise.
It is different... I didn't want to buy clothes-- or buy bedding-- the excitement was gone-- for a while. But I promise it comes back.
Hang in there and let time do it's thing!!
Thank you both for your sweet comments! It helps to know that others don't think I'm as terrible as I think I am.
ReplyDeleteHolly, that's crazy that someone wrote a blog about your post. For one to judge because of another person's emotions is absolutely uncalled for and not helpful. No one understands until they are in that position. It's not like you were going to give him away because he's a boy. Sheesh!!!
Amanda, you made me tear up. I can't imagine life without my sister and I can only hope that Macie will have the relationship with her sister as great as mine with Lindsey. The girl in the blog you linked was thinking the same as me when we were going into the first u/s. I couldn't imagine life with a boy at that time, and it turns out my intuition was right!
I really WANTED a girl before the u/s when we were told boy. That took a few days to get used to and I had finally come around to the idea of a little guy and started getting excited.
Now I hope that we will one day have a boy, but know it won't be this time and if we never do that's okay too - we will have two sweet girls. I am getting excited again, especially after finding some great clearanced girly clothes for our sweet pea. I just fear that Chris is holding back his disappointment. We had just brought home his football helmet and jerseys for the *boy* nursery and they're just sitting in the trunk of my car staring at me every time I have to get in there. We haven't even talked about the baby since Monday. I'll give him a few more days - I know it has to be much harder as a guy finding out his *boy* is actually a *girl*.